From the Beginning

- 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B -

By Fr. Robin Koning, S.J.

The Gospel speaks about marriage according to three time frames: what it was like in the beginning, what it was like under the reign of sin, and what it is in Christ, under the reign of grace. When the Pharisees ask about the possibility of divorce, Jesus refers back to God's revealed plan 'from the beginning of creation.' In doing so, he draws important lessons from each of the two Biblical creation stories. From Genesis 1, he draws the lesson that humans were created male and female, in a complementarity of sexual identity. From Genesis 2, he draws the lesson that marriage is about the starting of a new family unit - he shall leave mother and father - based on a new intimate union of man and woman, who become one flesh. He then reiterates this point in his own words, "So they are no longer two but one flesh." And he draws the conclusion to the question the Pharisees asked about divorce: "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

This is God's plan for marriage "from the beginning" - revealed in the creation accounts, and confirmed by Jesus in his interpretation of those accounts, an interpretation so weighty that it overrides even the law of Moses, the very heart of Judaism. Why did the Judaic law allow divorce? Because by the time of the Law, humans had strayed a long way from that original plan. Sin-fulness had infected every aspect of human reality, especially those which are most precious - like marriage, relationships, spirituality, intellect, family life. Marriage had become a place, in some cases, not for one-flesh union of persons, but for tension, discord, resentment, abuse - the exact opposite of God's plan in creation. And so a regime was instituted whereby, in the case of breakdown, marriage could be dissolved. Certainly, like any legal solution, it was far from perfect. Still, it was a frail, legal attempt to deal with very real human realities.

But Jesus overrides this aspect of the Law of Moses: "Because of your hardness of heart Moses wrote this commandment for you." Now, one mistake we hear on reading this is to hear it as addressed solely to individuals - that divorce was allowed by Moses because individuals were stubborn and hard of heart, that divorce is simply an instance of individual failure and sinfulness. This is because modern English is unable to distinguish between 'you', referring to one person only, and 'you' referring to two people, or many people. The Greek of the New Testament, though, does distinguish, and Jesus is using the plural from of 'you'. Now this does not rule out the application of this statement to individuals, but Jesus is speaking to his people as a whole - that there was some collective failure which encouraged marriage breakdown and need for appeal to divorce. Breakdown in any relationship is the result of sin. In fact, sin is that which destroys relationships - my relationship with myself, with other people, with creation, with God. But in saying this, we need to be clear that this refers to sin in its broadest connotation. For example, if my relationship with a member of my community breaks down somehow, then ultimately it is sin that is at fault. Part of this may be my personal sin - in fact, I can say quite confidently that that will be an important factor! Part of it may be the personal sin of the other guy involved. Part of it will probably be the ongoing effects of the sins of our parents in our lives, impacting on our ability to relate in helpful and healthy adult ways. And that of our parents likewise will be partly derived from their parents. Part may be the structures of sin in of my community - the ways in which others are afraid to support or challenge me and the other guy. Part may be sins which pertain in Jesuit communities as a whole - patterns of not learning to deal with conflict, for example. Part may be the patterns of sin of the wider cultural community - patterns of excessive emphasis on individual freedom and rights, or of adolescent attitudes being tolerated well into adult life.

These are just wild examples - though not all that wild! - to show that Jesus' statement about 'your hardness of heart' being the cause for allowing divorce does not imply a simple correlation between a couple being divorced and the personal sin of one or other partner, or of both. Rather, it speaks to a whole milieu tainted by the sins and consequences of sin of those immediately concerned and other people and forces, both near and far in time and space. This is not intended to treat us like children who are not responsible for our own actions, or to encourage a self-pity which pits all the blame elsewhere and denies what is the fruit of my own personal free choices. But it is to free us from a shame which wants to bear the burden of things we are not responsible for, what we cannot and could not have changed, precisely so that we may be free to accept responsibility for what we could have and can now change.

So, Jesus speaks about the God's original intention for marriage, what God's desire for marriage was 'from the beginning'. And Jesus speaks about what happened to that original intention as it was affected, along with every other aspect of human life and relationships, by sin - sin in it fullest connotation. None of that is too surprising on Jesus' lips. What is surprising is what he goes on to say about the present. For he says that divorce is not to be allowed any more, that we are now to revert to the full creative intention of God's design. Why? What has changed? Is there not still sin in the world, with all its ongoing effects in our lives and relationships? The presumption of Jesus' statement is, not that sin is over, but that the time of being necessarily enslaved to sin is over. With Jesus, a revolutionarily new season of grace is ushered in, where it is now possible, not just to sin and be forgiven over and over, but to grow in grace so that sin becomes less and less a dominant force in our lives, and we are freed to live out our relationships as both God and we ourselves really desire.

And it is only in this context, the context of grace, that this hard teaching on the impossibility of divorce can be understood. Jesus is talking about a situation of grace, a situation where his grace is made available in the marriage. This is ultimately what we mean by a sacramental marriage - one in which Jesus promises to be present to offer the grace necessary for this marriage to be what His plan calls for it to be, and where the couple are open to Jesus' presence and grace in the marriage. No need here to go into the various circumstances in which a sacramental marriage might be judged to never have been present. But Jesus' point is that, in the new dispensation he is offering in his blood, there is the very real possibility of genuine, Christian, grace-filled marriage to be a reality - for hardness of heart to be healed and redeemed again and again, day by day and moment by moment, in both partners, so that a marriage continues to grow in grace and love all the days of their lives.

The key point is that faith in Jesus, and in his grace, does not allow us to become cynical about the possibilities of lifelong marriage. Who of us has not wondered, at times if not perennially, if commitment for life in any vocation is just asking too much of even the best and most mature of us? Who of us, at a wedding, has not spent some time wondering if this marriage is going to defy the statistics, and what's the point of it all anyway? But, while being honest about any cynicism I am actually feeling, I should not pretend that this feeling flows from a Christian vision or attitude. Genuine faith in Jesus and the power of his grace knows that there are no limits to his power, except those that our hardness of heart, our refusal to accept that grace, impose. God's power is that which is able to create something from nothing, which is able to raise what is completely dead to new life, and which is able to take our hearts of stone, our hardened hearts, and transform them into hearts of flesh.

Jesus promises that, as a properly disposed, psychologically mature, spiritually open couple enter into marriage, calling upon his grace, he will be there for them, day in and day out, offering grace in every moment and every situation. That's all very nice, and would be perfect, if we had no say in the matter. But in fact, we all resist God's grace at some level. I may want Jesus to just come in and fix some part of my life, or of my marriage, to be a trouble-shooter. But Jesus wants to transform my heart so that I can enter into the depth of relationship with him which alone will meet my deepest need and my deepest desire. God offers grace - freely given, unearned, undeserved - grace which at depth is relationship - living, passionate relationship with Him.

So, I can try to limit God's grace, to limit the extent of God's action in my life or marriage, how much I want God to change me or my relationship. Alternatively, I might want to make God's grace into some caricature of grace. I can think that if things go wrong, it's because I haven't tried hard enough, haven't done well enough. And sometimes, doubtless, that is the case, to be acknowledged honestly. There are actions I need to take, there are disciplines I need to enter into, there are things I need to do that I don't feel like doing, in any area of life. But there is another failing, far more sinister - that I try incredibly hard, but by my own efforts. This is a powerful way that we block God's grace. By trying, striving, forcing, manipulating - when Jesus calls me to simply surrender, to admit that I can't do it myself, to cry out for his help as the Saviour he wants to be for us. St Paul wants to get rid of his weakness, to have God take it away. But Jesus knows Paul, and his temptation to be perfect, to do it all by his own power, and he knows the mess into which this leads Paul. Instead, Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient for you; my power is at its best in weakness." And Paul, finally, concurs: "It is when I am weak that I am strong."

And so Mark gives us, immediately after this hard teaching on marriage, the example of the little children whom Jesus welcomes. "Anyone who does not welcome the reign of God like a little child will never enter it." The reign of God is the reign of grace, the only reign under which Christian marriage is possible. Little children are open to grace. Until we disturb that knowledge, they know how to ask for help, how to admit they are afraid, how to live in the day, in the moment, receiving the grace that is always offered in the here and now.

This is the ground for our hope for Christian marriage. If it were hope in our own resources, it would be illusory. If it were hope in the best that human skill has to offer - the best of marriage preparations, the best of psychological help, the best of human support - then it would be illusory. If it were hope in the degree of our sexual compatibility, it would be illusory. If it were hope in the strength of our romance, it would be illusory. But it is not hope in anything human. It is hope in God, the Creator of marriage; in Jesus as our Saviour; in the Holy Spirit who comes to help us in our weakness. It is hope which grows as I experience, day by day, moment by moment, God's answer to my prayer: "Lord, I need you. I open myself and my marriage to your grace. I don't ask you to remove my weakness, but to work in it and through it if you wish. For your grace is at best in weakness. I do not ask you to patch things over, but to transform my heart of stone, and to transform my marriage. However good or however messy it is at present, I cannot transform my relationship into a marriage - no more than the priest, by his own power, can transform bread and wine into your body and blood. And yet, by your power, it happens. In this Eucharist, may I find the nourishment and strength of your grace, in which I place all my hope. Amen."

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